Ahoy matey! ‘Tis I, Barnacle Pete, the saltiest sea dog in all the land, inviting you to the seasonal opening of Barnacle Pete’s Wild Water and Family Fun Park! Come see the brand-new water slide, Davy Jones’s Locker, the tallest slide in the state! Celebrate your birthday at our new pavilion! Special discounts for wee ones! Come one, come all. Last one in the park Walks the Plank!
The maintenance guys hate the janitors, the lifeguards hate the kitchen staff, and everybody hates these stupid pirate uniforms. It’s not even noon on the first day of the season and already two asshats have puked in the lazy river, the water cannons at the Pirate’s Deck aren’t working again, and three kids have gotten lost. Oh yeah and that shit with Bobby Lee Drake? Guests are still asking about it. Matey, it’s going to be a long summer.